It's been a discouraging week. For the most part, this whole experience of going gluten free has worked out pretty well. I did not miss it after going off or crave things like I've heard others do. The first time I went off of gluten was for two weeks after my doctor told me she thought I had celiac. When I read about what I was going to have to give up, I sat and cried. It is a huge loss. But then I found out I had to have a biopsy and had to go back to eating gluten until after the biopsy.
During the time I didn't eat it for two weeks, some of my symptoms had started to go away, so going back on it was hard. The symptoms came back and even worse than before. In a way, it was my last hurrah. I had almost two months till my biopsy, so I ate and over ate every gluten filled thing I loved. I ate fried chicken every week, toast every morning, yeast rolls with peanut butter, cheese it's, you name it. And I got sicker each week. By the time I got to my last week before my biopsy, I was choking down the toast in the morning. I knew what was making me sick and it was like eating poison and knowing it. I could not wait to start my new life and be well.
I did not miss it. I did not miss feeling sick.
I looked at this cooking thing as a challenge and something to be excited about. I really wanted to concentrate on what I could have instead of what I couldn't have. Then my daughter found out she tested positive in her blood test. It was her time to sit and cry. It's so hard for a 17 year old. She did not have the same symptoms as I did, so I think it has been harder for her.
We are fine at home, both of us. I have figured out how to make many things thanks to other bloggers and many helpful websites. At home we don't want for anything. The kicker is the social life. I know for my daughter that is the hardest. Her friends just don't get it. She gets tempted to cheat. She breaks out in a rash and now gets some of the symptoms that I did.
What has been so discouraging to me this week is not being able to eat out. Mind you, I don't want to eat gluten when eating out….there is no temptation there….I just wish I could eat safely.
There is no freedom anymore and sometimes it's hard to deal with.
I find that my body can tolerate eating out once, maybe twice a week. That is if I am very careful where I eat. My husband and I are of an age where our children are almost grown and we have a very active social life. We get asked many times a week to go out with friends. We have had a lot going on the last 6 or 7 weeks and on average have been going out 4 times a weeks. It has taken it's toll on me, the cross contamination. No matter how careful you thing you are, it catches up with you.
This is the source of my sadness.
Years ago, we didn't have a social life. We were raising children and too busy and broke. Now we have the time and enjoy being with our friends so much. I do have them over and cook for them as well, but you know, friends like to go out. This is the bump in my happy gluten free road.
If I eat at home, I feel so good and my symptoms go away. When I start going out too much even though I am careful, the symptoms come back and I start getting sick again.
Right now I am cutting way back…no going out for several weeks at all. I didn't go to a Christening today because I knew everyone would want to go out afterwards. Now it feels like the end of my social life. You mourn the loss of food and then freedom.
I don't mean to sound down and discouraging especially if you are reading my blog and you have just been diagnosed. And I started to not even write about this….thought maybe I should keep it positive. But this is where I am at in my journey. If I can work through this, maybe I can help someone else work through it as well. I am pretty stubborn. I will find a way to stay healthy and go out with my friends at the same time. I think I just need to slow down a bit. This too shall pass. It's just hard sometimes.